My PAC, PIMP.

Good news friends. After long deliberations, I have come to the conclusion that I must run for the Presidency. Persuaint to that decision, I am herewith forming an exploratory committee to determine which established political party I should join for that purpose. Or, whether I should join with any currently existing party. In order to aid in my quest, I am hereby forming a Political Action Committee. The acronym for this PAC will be P.I.M.P. My PAC, PIMP, will allow me to raise sufficient funds to meet my goal. There will be several levels of gifts which my PAC, PIMP, will be authorized to receive. Donations of between $50,000 and $50 million dollars will provide you with at least one night's stay in the Lincoln bedroom. Please call in advance to determine availability. Gifts below $50,000 will be bundled with other like gifts in a special fund here-in-after called the CF fund. The CF stands for chintzy fund. Such gifts will provide you with free admission to the Lincoln Memorial for any date you desire. No reservations will be necessary. My decision to consider running for the presidency, was based on the fact that, with so many others running for the office, and the high caliber of those candidates, I should have no problem in getting the nomination. That assumes I will receive sufficient funds to my PAC, PIMP. My PAC, PIMP, will help me to reach my goal.
 Now to my credentials. I am a native born citizen, and have a birth certificate, or the likeness of same, showing that my birthplace is Wallesville and state records show that Wallesville has been turned into a state park. I have a firm grasp of American history, unlike some of my opponents. For instance, I fully understand that the Revolution was started , not in Vermont or New Hampshire, but in Texas. I have a firm grasp of geography as well. I understand that you can no more see Russia from Wassila, then you can see America from Arizona. As to foreign policy, I believe that the whole world is foreign and no aliens should be allowed here. On wellfare, I say far well. On health care, I say care for yours and I'll care for mine. On unions,I believe that all Americans should be allowed to join any union of their choice, but no union should ever be allowed to speak on behalf any person. I believe that corporations are persons and as such are entitled to citizenship, which includes voting rights and the right to run for political office. On the economy, I think we should just deny all debt. Nobody can force America to pay interest on any loan, anyway. It is so stated in the bible.
Getting back to my PAC, PIMP. I think it would be proper to inform you that the P.I.M.P. stands for Put In My Pocket. I do hope I can count on your vote, but whether or not you intend to vote for me, please donate to my PIMP.