This'll Be Easy To Solve

This is great. The oil spill, no, gusher. The oil gusher, no, eruption. The oil eruption, no, wait, the oil? Geez, I don't remember what comes after eruption. Don't ya love the way they've handled the dissemination of information on this catastrophe? I mean at first there was an explosion (they couldn't hide that) and there was a small amount of oil leaking from a broken pipe. Sounds like a leaky water pipe in the basement, right? Then it was about 5000 gallons. The size of an home delivery tanker, then a thousand barrels, 5000 barrels, and on and on until the latest which is an amount of oil that leaked from the Exxon Valdez, totally, every 8 to 10 days. Notice how they've eased into this? It's like a plume of oil deep underwater, that didn't exist, until it did exist, which was small before it was medium before it was large before it was gigantic. At the rate they're going, the Gulf of Mexico will no longer have any water in it at all. It will be totally oil. Try surfing in that. Of course that would suit the oil industry pretty well. They could just suck it up directly without all that cumbersome drilling. And don't ya love the ideas for solving the problem? One Legislator suggested we use beer making ingredients to soak up the oil. Great, oily beer. Now who's supposed to drink that? Robots? And then there's the nuclear option. As Jon Stewart said on the Daily Show "what could go wrong with that?". Not much of course. Just quadruple the catastrophe we already have. No big deal. Mars is beginning to look more and more inviting. Beam me up, Scotty.