Can't Wait To Move Into The White House.

Well we're well into the primary campaign season and I haven't even begun to campaign yet. Some of my most ardent supporters have been asking when I plan to start. Only this evening she asked if I was actually running. Such a sweet heart she is. Yes my dear, your grandfather is running for president of the United States of America. But my plan isn't to waste time in all these pesky state intramurals. I'm waiting for both conventions to do my thing. That's right, I plan to cross file and run in both parties in the general election. Of course I must first win the nomination in both conventions. My plan to accomplish this is simple and straight forward. I plan to sweep in and steal the vote. No, I mean I intend to steal the votes and change the names on the ballots to mine. One problem that has come up concerns my Super PAC P.I.M.P. (Put In My Pocket). It seems that the law is explicit in that I can have no contact with it or anyone connected with it. It turns out that I have to divest myself of anything to do with it. so I offered it, that is the ownership of it, to my wife. She declined with the proviso that she be allowed to have a P.I.M.P. credit card with no limit. I needed to find someone else with whom I have no contact, who will do exactly what I want done, without being in contact with me at any time in any way. My sister has graciously accepted the position. Now back to the plan of attack. You see, by waiting until the conventions and then liberating those votes from all those unworthy candidates from both parties and replacing them with votes for myself, I stand an excellent chance of winning the general election. Now, please, bare in mind, this is highly confidential, for as you might guess, if word leaked out, it could spell defeat for us. Not to mention incarceration. But please do keep all that card and letter coming in. I've read and reread it and am now ready to hear from someone else. Oh and by the way, I'll be happy to send my mother's recipe for chili sauce along as soon as I can find it.