The Great arms, oops I mean, Helium Race.

       I want to talk to you today about a grave concern we all have over a topic that has Congress in a dither. Do we or do we not save the National Helium Reserve? Just how important is helium anyway? I'll tell you how important it is, our Department Of Defense has concerns over our falling behind 1925 Germany. You heard it right, back in 1925, Germany was taking the lead in producing military dirigibles and zeppelins. We couldn't allow that to happen, so we developed the National Helium Reserve.  The Great Blimp Race was on.
       That was 88 years ago. Well, we all know how that turned out. America won the day. And we still have a National Helium Reserve. It's made of glue. It's stuck to Congress and Congress can't get rid if it. Reagan tried, Clinton tried and Obama is trying, but so far nobody has been able to end a program for which there is no military need. The only use for blimps today is for Goodyear to fly cameramen over football games. And  additional uses for helium includes loosing balloons over birthday parties. To be fair, it's used in MRIs and for some research by scientists. None of which involves the military.
        So, the program is or was set to expire this year, but our trusty Congress has ridden to the rescue on it's flaming white blimp. After all, where will smiling clowns get the helium for the balloons for birthday parties if not from the federal military helium reserve? Ya see, the fear is that no private company is standing by to take up the mantle of helium king. Nobody is willing to lift the heavy weight of supplying helium to those in great need of talking funny after breathing in the stuff.
       Of course, one reason nobody is waiting in the wings is because the Federal Helium Reserve has been selling it at a much lower than market price. Trust our government to pay too much for what it buys and sell for much less than anybody else. There must be a message in there somewhere. But just because the government has things backward, doesn't mean the Congress doesn't want to continue operations.  Our Representatives and Senators have voted overwhelmingly to continue in this lost leader business. As a business model, any self respecting corporation would die of extreme laughter.