A true Life Changing Experience.

       It happened last Tuesday, four days ago. It was a harrowing experience. It took nearly fifty years for me to screw up the courage to do it, but last Tuesday, I did it. Last Tuesday, I went on a diet, but not just any diet. I went on, are you ready for this? I went on a hair diet. And not just a lowering of the ears. I,,, gasp. No, this was a real and true hair diet. I got my first crew cut in nearly fifty years.
       Now you may consider this to be no big thing, but let me tell ya buster, this was traumatic. Now  the top of my head is rated  'R' for mild nudity. I may have to look into some hair follicle transplants. I think my neighbor can do it in his workshop down cellar. To think, just a few short days ago it wasn't a consideration.
       This morning I looked in the mirror for the first time since the dastardly deed and somebody else was looking back at me. It was more than disconcerting, I'll tell ya. But let me assure you that I did not run into a chainsaw or grinder nor did I have a kitchen blender accident. It was done intentionally while I was in a self induced stupor. The young woman who conducted the operation was not even a licensed tree surgeon and I told her before she started that if I didn't like it, I would report her to the hair removal police. They'll skin her alive and snake her baldheaded.
       Nowadays I'm forced to wear a hat against the brutal cold of even mild winters and in summer, I'll have to wear a hat to protect me from the blazing sun even on cloudy days. Hats! I didn't even think of hats. This'll require an entire new segment of my wardrobe. From now on I'll be forced to consider the proper style and colour of hat to match my coats. And in summer think of each shirt. Now I'll have to have matching hats for each shirt. Remember, fashion is everything. I'm already forced to match up with my wife's extensive wardrobe. Now this added consideration.
       Such decisions as hair diets are not to be entered into lightly, but rather thoughtfully with considerable research and soul searching aforehand. Remember, a tall tree casts a longer shadow than a small tree and a long strand of hair covers more scalp than a short hair.