What's A Holiday, Anyway?

       Well, shopping hours commence early on Thanksgiving morning. Thank goodness for that. I was concerned I'd have to overeat on that dreaded holiday. Now I can go turkey-less until Christmas. Unless we can convince stores to open early Christmas morning to buy more Christmas presents. Who knows, we might find some special gifts for next year. It's never to early to start your holiday shopping. Don't you remember all those Christmas ads that started just before Labor Day?
       You think I'm kidding, don't you? Well I'm not. Remember the old days when you couldn't start serious Christmas shopping until the Friday after Thanksgiving? Remember how the crowds rushed to get to all the sales items before anyone else, and how some people always got injured? Well now Black Friday will just be like any other good shopping day. Now Thanksgiving day will be when people get injured or be able to fight over the last two special games on the shelves.
       Forty one hours of specials shopping.... and counting. I suspect the big sales will soon begin on Halloween, or maybe even Labor Day. Of course that will mean holiday ads and decorations will need to begin sometime shortly after Memorial Day.
       I'm surprised that some other holidays haven't caught on as shopping magnets Why isn't it that the Ides of March hasn't become a national buy a gun day, or maybe President's day could be advertised as a day to Invest in New Transportation Day. Certainly Easter should become known as All New Wardrobe Day. So I guess Memorial Day should forevermore become known as Fresh Landscaping Day. Arbor Day? Buy Real Estate Day. Armistice Day still gives me pause. How can we turn it into a profitable celebration? Hey, Independence Day could be Buy A Politician Day.
       The more I think about it, Labor Day is gonna have to become a day of work. To pay for all the sales items we've bought on the rest of the holidays. But after all, all this stuff we buy on these special days is really cheap compared to the usual prices. Even if we didn't need it.