Yee Gads, We're Out Of Coffee.

       Did you hear the news this morning? It's UGE, as Donald Trump would say, UGE. And it's caused by global warming. That's right folks. All those nay-sayers who have been arguing there is no such thing as global warming or that it doesn't matter or that it's not our fault and can't be stopped anyway, all those folks will be sorry they didn't listen. Because in just sixty eight short years, there will be no more coffee. That's right, no more Mornin Jo. No Java. None of those fancy cafe drinks you can find at Starbucks. They're all gonna be gone.
       By the year 2080 there will be no place on earth where the coffee plant can grow naturally. Of course now there'll be those who breathe a sigh of relief because if coffee can't be grown naturally, maybe it can be grown unnaturally. Who cares if we all glow in the dark, as long as we can have our morning fix of caffeine, right?
       Besides, glowing in the dark isn't all that bad. We wouldn't need flashlights and when you wake up in the middle of the night, you'd be able to tell the time even if your clock doesn't glow in the dark. Walking along darkened highways in the middle of the night would be safer too.
       It's that waker-upper that's still the problem. What if those unnatural coffee beans don't have as much caffeine in them? What then? And how on earth would yuppies be able to show their bone-fides without that special frape' with cream floated on top. I tell ya it's gonna be just awful.
       People will be walking around with bloodshot eyes looking ever so slightly like zombies. Or maybe they'll look like they just had a good night's sleep. That is assuming the world hasn't gone to Hades in a hand basket as some folks are convinced, or we're not all under water by then anyhow. We can laugh about it now, but just you wait. Global warming is happening and coffee is in it's sights.